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The Things We Lose

by Stay At Home

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1.
were you waiting for the shade to swallow you up and give you praise for simply waiting for the time to turn but all you got was a winter sunburn you're in the same place again you've been fighting off sleep the colder months how they reach so deep and pull the blankets from your feet you toss and turn clenching your jaw 'til your gums bleed you're in the same place again are you running out again? running out of time to spend you're in the same place again.
2.
Another Way 03:23
i spent those nights on an air mattress watching men's gymnastics in my parents' living room rinse and repeat my days to a silent heartbeat hoping one day i'll be okay. but it's been seven years of trying to lose these tears to be bold enough to find another way but it's been seven years of losing what i hold dear i'm not bold enough to find another way i spend my nights with the same song on repeat trying to move my feet towards the things out of my reach rinse and repeat my days to your silent heartbeat i know, one day, you thought i'd be okay but it's been a shitty year of losing what i hold dear but they say i'm old enough to find another way yeah, it's been a shitty year of swallowing all my tears i quit the life i had to find another way.
3.
buy a ticket to Alaska sell my car and say goodbye i'll draw the outline of your feet as i walk along the tree line and it's all i see i don't want to end this badly sold the last of your belongings i hope they're able to feel your life sifted through your clothes wear them like memories and let the last of you go and it's all i see i don't want to end this badly the last thing you spoke as time slowly pressed on your throat "What's happening to me?" and it's all i see you had to end so badly and it's all i see so i'm afraid to feed your memory what's happening to me? i don't feel right.
4.
At the End 03:26
6 a.m. and i'm calling you up again to talk about the devil dancing in my head i know i've failed you before i know we're at the end it'd just be nice to hear a friend again. 10 p.m. and i'm in my car again i guess going out can't bend my stubborn tongue to talk again i know we lost a hard one, i know you've got your plans it'd just be nice to hear your voice again. another new year in the crowd again these kids with cigarettes burn holes into their skin they say they'll grow old and carry scars with them but they'll still wake up in the dusty mountain air again 6 a.m. and i'm calling you up again to talk about the devil dancing in my head i know i've failed you before i know we're at the end it'd just be nice to hear your voice again.
5.
i can't remember a time when i felt alright there's a gold cross on my wall they told me to keep it close so i stare at it every night now just hoping to see your ghost you were right all along it's the things we lose that make us feel alone if you would come back now i think you'll find that everything might be alright if you'd just come back now i hope you'll find that i'm just trying to live my life i can't remember a time when you weren't just outside now this house feels a little colder and your love still hangs over our shoulders like we left something behind kissed your forehead and said goodbye you were right all along it's the things we lose that make us feel alone if you would come back now i think you'll find that everything might be alright if you'd just come back now i hope you'll find that i'm just trying to live my life.

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for dad

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released March 12, 2018

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Stay At Home El Paso, Texas

el paso texas mood rock.

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